and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
