i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Randomize
