So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
