This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
