Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Randomize
