Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
