His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Randomize
