Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize
