they need to just BURY HIM!
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
