He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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