Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
how drunk are you?
Several
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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