Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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