a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
