I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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