He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
