you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
