Did you just see the Batmobile???
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
