I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
