Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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