I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
