I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
