Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
