You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
