OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
