If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
