Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
