who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
