YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
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