So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
