Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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