Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
