can u get pink eye on your cock?
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
