i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
