Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
