i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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