wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
