I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Randomize
