my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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