I molested 6 butterflies tonight
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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