Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
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