hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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