I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
