The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
