i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
