I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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