I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
