smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
