The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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