Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Randomize
