pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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