please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
