Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Randomize
