i barfeds in our rink
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
